Realistic goal setting is something I strongly advocate for people looking to leave their jobs and become independent. So many sites and blogs talk about how to quit your job in 365 days, or they jump so quickly ahead to their success that you basically don’t feel like you can even get out the gate.
Many writers aren’t realistic when they write about their timelines for success. Many more write about their successes after they’ve achieved them, making it sound impossibly simple in the process of hindsight.
One of my goals with this blog is to track success as it happens, rather than as a retrospective way of bragging or monetizing.
This article from the Huffington Post is one of many talking about how to feel accomplished. In it, the author talks about setting realistic goals and defining what success is before the fact. One of these methods is journaling and jotting your goals down.
It also discusses to be accepting of successes and failures rather than only focused on the failures. Everyone is bound to fail… some more than others. Take note of your successes, no matter how small, and use them to build momentum.
What a lot of articles don’t discuss is the benefits of failure. Are there any?
Do we benefit mentally, physically or physiologically from not accomplishing our goals, or failing?
I’m not trying to say that failure should be one of your measurements of success, but in a cooky sort of way, it is. The most profound successes are usually the result of a multitude of failures. The ones that aren’t are usually a mix of luck and other elements.
One of the most important things you can do is to be objective about your failures. Don’t be a victim of your failures. That isn’t to say it’s unhealthy to blame yourself, but always look at your failures, whether they are caused by you or not, as a lesson of how not to fail in the future. In this way your failures become building blocks to success rather than lessons about how shitty you are at ITEM X.
This is kind of obvious. We always want to be constructively critical of our failures. But what we don’t want to do is create overcompensating justifications for them. If you’re on a diet, for example, you shouldn’t be inclined to cheat and eat a pound of chocolate, with the idea that it will be a lesson on how to not eat chocolate the next time.
Such a mindset breeds that “Just one more…” pattern that leads periodic failure and inactivity into a chronic problem.
Tangible Benefits to Failure
On days where you say “I’m going to go workout” but instead you sit around and watch Netflix instead, what do you get positive out of the experience of failure?
1. Failure Creates Stress
In this article, the author talks about studies in which during times of stress, people tend to fall back on their already developed habits and patterns.
This is a double edged sword because if you have bad habits, you are likely to fall back on them when you fail or don’t accomplish something. If you don’t have your diet dialed in, then on days where you do end up sitting around and watching Netflix when you know you should be working out, you’re very likely to resort to poor dietary habits.
On the other hand, if you have generally good habits and routines that area easy for you to follow, and which you are very used to following, then on days like the one I mentioned above, your brain chemistry and behaviors will be very different.
Your body responds to stress in predictable ways, but ultimately you have to cultivate that response over time so it is in your programming. In this way, when you are stressed, or when you fail a goal, you will receive a more positive response from that failure.
2. Repeated Failures Create Profound Resistance
The single failure of a goal you were hoping to achieve can be a make or break situation. Failure before you even get off the ground can be devastating, and can be enough to crush your resolve to continue.
On the other hand, once you get started with a goal, the closer you get to achieving it, the less impactful failure may be. In particular, multiple failures, can actually boost your resolve and resistance to repeated failures. In other words, the more you fail, the more capable you may feel.
It’s a little counterintuitive to think this way, but look at it like this: Someone who fails multiple times at something has demonstrated the resolve to achieve something. Someone who fails only once has not. The desire to achieve, and the ability to make any progress towards a goal releases all of the feel-good chemicals related with success. Endorphins, serotonin, oxytocin: they are all byproducts of success.
Developing the habit of continued application and pursuit of a goal, in spite of multiple failures, creates a buffering effect against future failures. Here is a cool article from Psychology Today about why this is.
So even though you don’t necessarily want to seek failure, you should take on goals while being open to the possibility of failure. If you recognize failure as a real possibility, and especially if you respond to that failure with increased resolve, consider yourself golden.
3. Embracing Near Wins Has a Positive Physiological Effect
Coming close to something often releases a lot of those feel-good chemicals I mentioned above. Without getting into clinical studies much, here is a good TED Talk from Sarah Lewis about embracing the near-wins. I’ve often found myself talking very positively about the times that I almost succeeded in something.
Talking about near successes (and near misses) implies to ourselves and others that we are at least trying. Ever play Powerball and get 3 or 4 numbers right? It’s not much money, but it’s fun as hell to talk about the next day at work. It’s a failure, and yet it’s a positive one. With Powerball there’s not even really a lesson to be learned from the failure… and yet we still get a physiological chemical reward from it.
Pretty cool!
For outright failures? Like when you swing for the fences and strike out? See items 1 and 2.
Success vs. Failure
With all of this said, the benefits of success can’t really be overstated. Everything good about failure is exponentially more profound with success.
When we succeed at something we’ve intentionally set out to do, our entire brain chemistry changes. It does with failure too, but not nearly at the same level.
Can too much success be bad? This article suggests over-success can create a “winner effect.” Having too much confidence, too much luck, or too much success can ultimately create a complacent attitude toward failure. If all you know is success, then even the slightest failure may be devastating to you.
So never set out to pursue failure, but always challenge yourself with your goals so that you anticipate or expect it, should it arise.
What benefits have you gotten from failure? Do you agree with my assessment?